Quote

When you feel like tellin a feller to go to the devil - tell him to go to Chicago - it'll anser every purpose, and is perhaps, a leetle more expensive.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Feel
Feller
Feels
Tellin
Every
Chicago
Like
Expensive
Devil
Perhaps
Purpose
Tell

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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre.
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But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!
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The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
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it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.
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A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
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Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.
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Being rich ain't what it's cracked up to be. It's just worry and worry, and sweat and sweat, and a-wishing you was dead all the time.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.
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God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
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A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
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A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.
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I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute.
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Always obey your parents - when they are present.
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High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water but everybody likes water.
Mark Twain