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More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Religion
Texts
Death
Penalties
Two
Biblical
Book
Remain
Hundred
Books
Law
Gone

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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.
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Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.
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Success is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant effort, vigilance and reevaluation.
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Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.
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A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.
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Every man is in his own person the whole human race without a detail lacking....I knew I should not find in any philosophy a single thought which had not passed through my own head, nor a single thought which had not passed through the heads of millions and millions of men before I was born.
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I could forgive the boy, now, if he'd committed a million sins!
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Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
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The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
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It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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Be good and you will be lonely.
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I like criticism, but it must be my way.
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Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury of heaven, where all things that are divine belong.
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It is hopeless for the occasional visitor to try to keep up with Chicago-she outgrows his prophecies faster than he can make them. She is always a novelty for she is never the Chicago you saw when you passed through the last time.
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It is easier to manufacture seven facts out of whole cloth than one emotion.
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There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous, but we have only to be patient and wait for the result: then we recognize that no others would have answered the purpose, and we are rebuked and humbled.
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Human beings seem to be a poor invention. If they are the noblest works of God where is the ignoblest?
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