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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Trying
Make
Good
Editor
Always
Newspaper
Editors
Newspapers
Shall
Right

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It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
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You try to tell me anything about the newspaper business! Sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done.
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The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.
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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
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The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.
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When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.
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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
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Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.
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It is a shameful thing to insult a child.
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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.
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By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.
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Temperate temperance is best intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.
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Manifestly, dying is nothing to a really great and brave man.
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Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute.
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I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't...The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further.
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In writing, I shall always confine myself strictly to the truth, except when it is attended with inconvenience.
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
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