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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Make
Good
Editor
Always
Newspaper
Editors
Newspapers
Shall
Right
Trying

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There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!
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Morals consist of political morals, commercial morals, ecclesiastical morals, and morals.
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More than once I had seen a noble who had gotten his enemy at a disadvantage stop to pray before cutting his throat.
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Age enlarges and enriches the powers of some musical instruments - notably those of the violin - but it seems to set a piano's teeth on edge.
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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.
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The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
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Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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You can't no more teach what you ain't learned than you can come from where you ain't been.
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Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.
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I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task.
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There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.
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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
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There is no such thing as a new idea. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope.
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Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
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But it was ever thus, all through my life: whenever I have diverged from custom and principle and uttered a truth, the rule has been that the hearer hadn't strength of mind enough to believe it.
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There is this trouble about special providences namely, there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet did, because they got the children.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden
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I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it.
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It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
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I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache and what is more, I never intend to have it.
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