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I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Together
Inventor
May
Telephones
Everlasting
Bliss
Eventually
Except
Peace
Hope
Telephone

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There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
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The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.
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When in doubt tell the truth.
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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.
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What a lumbering poor vehicle prose is for the conveying of a great thought! ... Prose wanders around with a lantern & laboriously schedules & verifies the details & particulars of a valley & its frame of crags & peaks, then Poetry comes, & lays bare the whole landscape with a single splendid flash.
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Everybody lies...every day, every hour, awake, asleep, in his dreams, in his joy, in his mourning. If he keeps his tongue still his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude will convey deception.
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The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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I begin to see that a man's got to be in his own heaven to be happy.
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I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.
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We are all beggars, each in his own way.
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It is higher and nobler to be kind.
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There is nothing more awe-inspiring than a miracle except the credulity that can take it at par.
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The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
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If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
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Genius has no youth, but starts with the ripeness of age and old experience.
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The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, Where is the best place to go to? He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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Life is short. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly and love truly.
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The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
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