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When a library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Age
Delight
Censoring
Lying
Anger
Censored
Doesn
Bible
Delights
Around
Mines
Censorship
Book
Mine
Irony
Youth
Unconscious
Deep
Leaves
Expels
Hold
Library
Unprotected

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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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Honor is a harder master than the law.
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There will never be a perfect time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year!
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Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.
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In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it.
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
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Choosing not to read is like closing an open door to paradise
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A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
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It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.
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The very marks on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.
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Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.
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It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
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Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent then he would have eaten the serpent.
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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.
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Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth
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As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
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Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities Truth isn't.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean.
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