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A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hole
Holes
Ground
Mines
Mine
Liar
Liars

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I couldn't bear to think about it and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.
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When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them--then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are far apart.
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Travel is lethal to prejudice.
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
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A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment.
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Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.
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I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditch digging.
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None but an ass pays a compliment and asks a favour at the same time. There are many asses.
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He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.
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I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.
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A habit cannot be tossed out the window it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.
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His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
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