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Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Surprise
Whole
Country
Right
Something

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All human rules are more or less idiotic.
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How slow and still the time did drag along.
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Each man is afraid of his neighbor's disapproval - a thing which, to the general run of the human race, is more dreaded than wolves and death.
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It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
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To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct.
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her.
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You perceive I generalize with intrepidity from single instances. It is the tourist's custom.
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College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.
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There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.
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The xmas holidays have this high value: that they remind Forgetters of the Forgotten, & repair damaged relationships.
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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
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The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.
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Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.
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It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
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By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.
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In my experience, previously counted chickens never do hatch.
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Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
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By and by when each nation has 20,000 battleships and 5,000,000 soldiers we shall all be safe and the wisdom of statesmanship will stand confirmed.
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