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Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Surprise
Whole
Country
Right
Something

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A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.
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If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him.
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A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
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Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity but bet on the other one -- this is business.
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There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help it and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequences of that occurrence, and so first thing you know, there's your book all finished up and never cost you an idea.
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Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
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Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
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Comedy keeps the heart sweet but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.
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I think that the reason why we Americans seem to be so addicted to trying to get rich suddenly is merely because the opportunity to make promising efforts in that direction has offered itself to us with a frequency out of all proportion to the European experience.
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We need not worry so much about what man descends from it's what he descends to that shames the human race.
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The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.
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Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.
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I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.
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Too bad that youth is wasted on the young.
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Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river.
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Now he found out a new thing--namely, that to promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.
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I don't speak German well but several experts have assured me that I write it like an angel. Maybe so, maybe so- I don't know. I've not yet made any acquaintances among the angels. That comes later, whenever it please the Deity. I'm not in any hurry.
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The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it
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