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If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Show
Seldom
Telegram
Shows
Shirts
Telegrams
Notice
Beneficiaries
Members
Tail
Civilization
Wash
Failing
Tails
Paper
Fails
Rest
Shirt

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Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?
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Shall we go on conferring our Civilization upon the peoples that sit in darkness, or shall we give those poor things a rest?
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I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble.
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Life is short. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly and love truly.
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There will never be a perfect time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year!
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If ever you've been down in the dumps, hear these iconic authors share with you more than their writing wisdom.
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The laws of Nature take precedence of all human laws. The purpose of all human laws is one - to defeat the laws of Nature. This is the case among all the nations, both civilized and savage. It is a grotesquerie, but when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?
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Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.
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Praise is well, compliment is well, but affection-that is the last and most precious reward that any man can win, whether by character or achievement.
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We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not ourselves.
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From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any FIRST AND FOREMOST object but one -- to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for HIMSELF.
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
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There ain't nothing more to write about and I'm rotten glad of it, because if I'd know'd what trouble it was to make a book, I wouldn't a tackled it.
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I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.
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A marriage. . .will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.
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Men are easily dealt with--but when you get the women started, you are in for it, you know.
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.
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There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
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