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If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Civilization
Wash
Failing
Tails
Paper
Fails
Rest
Shirt
Show
Seldom
Telegram
Shows
Shirts
Telegrams
Notice
Beneficiaries
Members
Tail

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Wherefore being all of one mind, we do highly resolve that government of the grafted by the grafter for the grafter shall not perish from the earth.
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I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.
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I try never to let my schooling get in the way of my education.
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I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
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A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.
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The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
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There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.
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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
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There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it.
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Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.
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When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
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I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.
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Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
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I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: Now here are these two unaccountable freaks they came in together, they must go out together.
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I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.
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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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