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If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Shows
Shirts
Telegrams
Notice
Beneficiaries
Members
Tail
Civilization
Wash
Failing
Tails
Paper
Fails
Rest
Shirt
Show
Seldom
Telegram

More quotes by Mark Twain

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It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
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My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.
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Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
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The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
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I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
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Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
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Make your vacation your vocation.
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes my dear, and my love come from the heart but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk?
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The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, Where is the best place to go to? He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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The proverb says that Providence protects children and idiots. This is really true. I know because I have tested it.
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Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.
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The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right.
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The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.
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