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I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Spent
Worry
Happened
Things
Never
Life
Worrying

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Every citizen of the republic ought to consider himself an unofficial policeman, and keep unsalaried watch and ward over the laws and their execution.
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In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it.
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Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes my dear, and my love come from the heart but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk?
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There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars.
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Wit and Humor - if any difference, it is in duration - lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently but one is vivid, and can do damage - the other fools along and enjoys elaboration.
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Age enlarges and enriches the powers of some musical instruments - notably those of the violin - but it seems to set a piano's teeth on edge.
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The human race consists of the damned and the ought-to-be damned.
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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.
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I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
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When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.
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Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
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I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.
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There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.
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