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I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Spent
Worry
Happened
Things
Never
Life
Worrying

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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.
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If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
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Wisdom teaches us that none but birds should go out early, and that not even birds should do it unless they are out of worms.
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But we love the Old Travelers. We love to hear them prate and drivel and lie.
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It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
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There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.
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Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
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We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that the savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter.
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Morals are not the important thing-nor enlightenment-nor civilization. A man can do absolutely well without them, but he can't do without something to eat. The supremest thing is the need of the body, not of the mind and spirit.
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While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.
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It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.
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Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.
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The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large.
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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.
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Heaven is by favor if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.
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The dog is a gentleman I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
Mark Twain
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The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.
Mark Twain
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Love is madness, if thwarted it develops fast.
Mark Twain