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College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
College
Professor
Either
Professors
Brain
Brains
Place
Passings
Without
Straight
Passing
Notes
Lecture
Students
Lectures

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We Americans are the most lavish and showiest and most luxury loving people on the earth and at our masthead we fly one true and honest symbol, the gaudiest flag the world has ever seen.
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When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
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the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider’s measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it.
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I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly but their wives had grown old. These were good women it is very wearing to be good.
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If I had more time, I would have written less.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
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Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
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All our acts, reasoned and unreasoned, are selfish
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When an audience does not complain, it is a compliment, and when it does, it is a compliment, too, if unaccompanied by violence.
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A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.
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My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies.
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Truth is stranger than fiction-to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it.
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If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.
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Man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training the odds are too heavy.
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God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. (In God we Trust) is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar.
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The exercise of an extraordinary gift is the supremest pleasure in life.
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No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.
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My axiom is, to succeed in business: avoid my example.
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Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
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