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College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Notes
Lecture
Students
Lectures
College
Professor
Either
Professors
Brain
Brains
Place
Passings
Without
Straight
Passing

More quotes by Mark Twain

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When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.
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Of course, no man is entirely in his right mind at any time.
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I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't...The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further.
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Do your duty today and repent tomorrow.
Mark Twain
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At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass
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I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.
Mark Twain
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The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
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There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones it can lift men to angelship.
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The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is, those that succeeded tried.
Mark Twain
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There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.
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Two days overdue, THE WORLD'S WORK has not reached me. Pray make a note of this. I would rather not have to resort to violence.
Mark Twain
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God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
Mark Twain
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But death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness death was man’s best friend when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free.
Mark Twain
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There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather... In the spring I have counted one hundred and twenty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.
Mark Twain
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A little more kindness, A little less speed, A little more giving, A little less greed, A little more smile, A little less frown, A little less kicking, A man while he's down, A little more We, A little less I, A little more laugh, A little less cry, A little more flowers, On the pathway of life, And fewer on graves, At the end of the stri
Mark Twain
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Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
Mark Twain
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But the elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time.
Mark Twain
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Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes-none knows whence-and cannot explain itself.
Mark Twain
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There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule.
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High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water but everybody likes water.
Mark Twain