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College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Brain
Brains
Place
Passings
Without
Straight
Passing
Notes
Lecture
Students
Lectures
College
Professor
Either
Professors

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Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor
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Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute.
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When one's character begins to fall under suspicion and disfavor, how swift, then, is the work of disintegration and destruction.
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Circumstance - which moves by laws of its own, regardless of parties and policies, and whose decrees are final and must be obeyed by all - and will be
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As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
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Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.
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What is there that confers the noblest delight? What is that which swells a man's breast with pride above that which any other experience can bring to him? Discovery!
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A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.
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I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest.
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... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
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One compliment can keep me going for a whole month.
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I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.
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No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.
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Whose property is my body? Probably mine. I so regard it. If I experiment with it, who must be answerable? I, not the State. If I choose injudiciously, does the state die? Oh, no.
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Children have but little charity for one another's defects
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
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From the dome of St. Peter's one can see every notable object in Rome... He can see a panorama that is varied, extensive, beautiful to the eye, and more illustrious in history than any other in Europe.
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By law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again -- and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's and each obeying its own law.
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