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College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Notes
Lecture
Students
Lectures
College
Professor
Either
Professors
Brain
Brains
Place
Passings
Without
Straight
Passing

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When a man arrives at great prosperity God did it: when he falls into disaster he did it himself.
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The introduction of homeopathy forced the old school doctor to stir around and learn something of a rational nature about his business. You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths to destroy it.
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The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
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The ignorant are afraid to betray surprise or admiration...they think it ill manners.
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
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Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
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I said nothing of the sort.
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No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot
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I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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The dog is a gentleman I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
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It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.
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Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
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I like the truth sometimes, but I don't care enough for it to hanker after it.
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More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent.
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Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions.
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To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
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