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I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Expect
Return
Dies
Upon
Born
Halley
Comet
Comets
Astrology

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I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
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The more you join with people in their joys and their sorrows, the more nearer and dearer they come to be to you.
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His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
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Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
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Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
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Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.
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Truth is stranger than fiction-to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it.
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Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.
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To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct.
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It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.
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We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them.
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I should be sorry to think it was the publishers themselves they got up this entire little flutter to enable them to unload a book that was taking too much room in their cellars, but you can never tell what a publisher will do. I have been one myself.
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The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.
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... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
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I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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Choosing not to read is like closing an open door to paradise
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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
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A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
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Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists
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