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I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Return
Dies
Upon
Born
Halley
Comet
Comets
Astrology
Expect

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Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.
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I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.
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I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.
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The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.
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The fear of lightning is one of the most distressing infirmities a human being can be afflicted with. It is mostly confined to women, but now and then you find it in a little dog, and sometimes a man.
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History doesn't repeat itself it rhymes.
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If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes.
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If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty.
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Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.
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I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.
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There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather... In the spring I have counted one hundred and twenty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.
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To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.
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Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more.
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It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.
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Do one thing every day you don't want to do.
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Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent then he would have eaten the serpent.
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Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.
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Patriotism is merely a religion-love of country, worship of country, devotion to the country's flag and honor and welfare.
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