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You thunder and lightning too much the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Bed
Reader
Writing
Much
Ceases
Thunder
Lightning
Cease

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The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics.
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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.
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If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.
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To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.
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There's a good spot tucked away somewhere in everybody. You'll be a long time finding it, sometimes.
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It is hopeless for the occasional visitor to try to keep up with Chicago-she outgrows his prophecies faster than he can make them. She is always a novelty for she is never the Chicago you saw when you passed through the last time.
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It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.
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The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.
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Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?
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The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
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My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
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When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
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God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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