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I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Didn
Tail
Men
Tails
Cats
Forty
Cat
Percent
Learned
Knew
Grabbed

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You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.
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Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.
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There is no other life life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If there was an all-powerful God, he would have made all good, and no bad.
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An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.
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There is no security in life, only opportunity.
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The convention missionaries call modesty has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
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I never write metropolis for seven cents when I can write city and get paid the same.
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But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people.
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Foreigners cannot enjoy our food, I suppose, any more than we can enjoy theirs. It is not strange for tastes are made, not born. I might glorify my bill of fare until I was tired but after all, the Scotchman would shake his head and say, 'Where's your haggis?' and the Fijan would sigh and say, 'Where's your missionary?'
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There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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When I was fourteen years old, I was amazed at how unintelligent my father was. By the time I turned twenty-one, I was astounded how much he had learned in the last seven years.
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It were not best that we should all think alike.
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I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Phillipines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.
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I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't...The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further.
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She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot
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Never miss an opportunity to shut up.
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The peoples furthest from civilization are the ones where equality between man and woman are furthest apart-and we consider this one of the signs of savagery.
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Which is him? The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.
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