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When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Else
Happens
Ends
Everything
Years
World
Kentucky
Anywhere
Comes

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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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Italy is the home of art and swindling home of religion and moral rottenness
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
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If a spectacle is going to be particularly imposing I prefer to see it through somebody else's eyes, because that man will always exaggerate. Then I can exaggerate his exaggeration, and my account of the thing will be the most impressive.
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When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
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You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you
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We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.
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I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.
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The southerner talks music.
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Worrying is paying interest on a debt you might not even owe.
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The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.
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I will remark in the way of general information, that in California, that land of felicitous nomenclature, the literary name of this sort of stuff is hogwash
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The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.
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If you want to change the future, you must change what you're doing in the present.
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What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.
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The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal
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Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.
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Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.
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You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present you should have recognized them earlier.
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