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Never miss an opportunity to shut up.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Shut
Miss
Communication
Missing
Opportunity
Never

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There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level.
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Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.
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I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with the blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.
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It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened.
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Demagogue--a vessel containing beer and other liquids.
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Love is an irreresisistible desire to be irresistibily desired.
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I could forgive the boy, now, if he'd committed a million sins!
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The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
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The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.
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The dog is a gentleman I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.
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The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
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It must be well-nigh a maximum of sense to behave so that one escapes being hanged.
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But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!
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If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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