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They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Many
Laid
Men
Heads
Like
Lawyer
Property
Prove
Ready
Gettin
Together
Heirs
Right
Lawyers

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When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
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A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
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India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers India is the only millionaire.
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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The ancients stole all our ideas from us.
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In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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What's the use you learning to do right , when it's troublesome to do right and it ain't no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?
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If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
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The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the tellingthe comic and the witty story upon the matter.
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Those who do not read the news are uninformed. Those who do are misinformed.
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None of us can be as great as God, but any of us can be as good.
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If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.
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The dog is a gentleman I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
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Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.
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If a spectacle is going to be particularly imposing I prefer to see it through somebody else's eyes, because that man will always exaggerate. Then I can exaggerate his exaggeration, and my account of the thing will be the most impressive.
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