Quote

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Sure
Desks
Success
Altogether
Need
Sign
Needs
Avoid
Never
Clean
Cluttered
Life
Confidence
Drawer
Ignorance
Drawers
Tomorrow
Desk

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If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!
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Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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When a man stands on the verge of seventy-two you know perfectly well that he never reached that place without knowing what this life is - heartbreaking bereavement.
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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present you should have recognized them earlier.
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I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.
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I've never let my school interfere with my education.
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The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.
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I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way.
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I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
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The ancients stole all our ideas from us.
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If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.
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It is better to support schools than jails.
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her.
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Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.
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We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them.
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It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not.
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Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
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If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
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