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My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Presbyterian
Presbyterians
Bernard
Saint
Dog
Father
Mother
Collies

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Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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My own luck has been curious all my literary life I never could tell a lie that anyone would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.
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I have damaged my intellect trying to imagine why a man should want to invent a repeating clock, and how another man could be found to lust after it and buy it. The man who can guess these riddles is far on the way to guess why the human race was invented - which is another riddle which tires me.
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We need not worry so much about what man descends from it's what he descends to that shames the human race.
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A habit cannot be tossed out the window it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.
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There's always a hole in theories somewhere if you look close enough.
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The newspaper that obstructs the law on a trivial pretext, for money's sake, is a dangerous enemy to the public weal. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse.
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Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.
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The ability to find solutions to life's challenges is what makes us grow as a person.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
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A better idea than my own is to listen.
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How empty is theory in the presence of fact!
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He had only one vanity he thought he could give advice better than any other person.
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The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.
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A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.
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Yes, always avoid violence. In this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined.
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To gnaw on is human, towards digest, divine.
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Too much is just enough.
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A good lawyer knows the law a clever one takes the judge to lunch.
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