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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Names
Common
Seems
Pronounced
Always
Welsh
Jackson
Seem
Inspiration
Name

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I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.
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Sum all the gifts that man is endowed with, and we give our greatest share of admiration to his energy. And today, if I were a heathen, I would rear a statue to Energy and fall down and worship it!
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We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.
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Distance lends enchantment to the view.
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Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
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Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail.
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The North thinks it knows how to make corn bread, but this is a gross superstition. Perhaps no bread in the world is quite as good as Southern corn bread, and perhaps no bread in the world is quite as bad as the Northern imitation of it.
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Heaven is the very last place to come to rest and don't you be afraid to bet on that!
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We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
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If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.
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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.
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That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy.
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I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.
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I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
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Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.
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A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
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What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.
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The humorous story is told gravely the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.
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A better idea than my own is to listen.
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