Quote

One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Wine
Waist
Woman
Champagne
Bottle
Neck
Bottles
Necks
Holds
Red

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History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise.
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Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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Now, isn't imagination a precious thing? It peoples the earth with all manner of wonders.
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It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script.
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Every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind it if you want to see it.
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I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.
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I will remark in the way of general information, that in California, that land of felicitous nomenclature, the literary name of this sort of stuff is hogwash
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Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.
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Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists
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Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather.
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Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out
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Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes my dear, and my love come from the heart but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk?
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By law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again -- and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's and each obeying its own law.
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They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.
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Jesus died to save men - a small thing for an immortal to do - and didn't save many, anyway. But if he had been damned for the race, that would have been act of a size proper to a god, and would have saved the whole race.
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There is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples.
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One can enjoy a rainbow without necessarily forgetting the forces that made it.
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.
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