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One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Holds
Red
Wine
Waist
Woman
Champagne
Bottle
Neck
Bottles
Necks
More quotes by Mark Twain
In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it.
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There is only one good sex. The female one.
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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
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I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
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There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to but a hog is different.
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Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.
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We like to read about rich people in the newspapers the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.
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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.
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A group of men in evening clothes looks like a flock of crows, and is just about as inspiring.
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The miracle or the power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit.
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If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.
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Thanksgiving day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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France has usually been governed by prostitutes
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If there wasn't anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to find out and not finding out is just as interesting as trying to find out and finding out and I don't know but more so.
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
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You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present you should have recognized them earlier.
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No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.
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An occultation of Venus is not half so difficult as an eclipse of the sun, but because it comes seldom the world thinks it's a grand thing.
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We have the best government that money can buy.
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