Quote

One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Red
Wine
Waist
Woman
Champagne
Bottle
Neck
Bottles
Necks
Holds

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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth.
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A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.
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This autobiography of mine is a mirror, and I am looking at myself in it all the time. Incidentally I notice the people that pass along at my back - I get glimpses of them in the mirror - and whenever they say or do anything that can help advertise me and flatter me and raise me in my own estimation, I set these things down in my autobiography.
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Humor is the good natured side of a truth.
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It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
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When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
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Music is a good thing and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
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Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.
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Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions.
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Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.
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The funniest things are the forbidden.
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The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there.
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A man may plan as much as he wants to, but nothing of consequence is likely to come of it until the magician circumstance steps in and takes the matter off his hands.
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Write without pay until somebody offers to pay.
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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
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Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
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