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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Drink
Excess
Second
Marry
Girl
Third
Firsts
Smoke
First
Thirds
Girls
Advice
Marriage

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[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.
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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it.
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It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.
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Between us, we cover all knowledge he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
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I think that the reason why we Americans seem to be so addicted to trying to get rich suddenly is merely because the opportunity to make promising efforts in that direction has offered itself to us with a frequency out of all proportion to the European experience.
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Choosing not to read is like closing an open door to paradise
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A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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We wish to learn all the curious, outlandish ways of all the different countries, so that we can show off and astonish people when we get home. We wish to excite the envy of our untraveled friends with our strange foreign fashions which we can't shake off.
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The difference between fiction and nonfiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable.
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Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
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If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
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These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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Shall we go on conferring our Civilization upon the peoples that sit in darkness, or shall we give those poor things a rest?
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes my dear, and my love come from the heart but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk?
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To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.
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We laugh and laugh. Then cry and cry- Then feebler laugh, Then die.
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