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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Girl
Third
Firsts
Smoke
First
Thirds
Girls
Advice
Marriage
Drink
Excess
Second
Marry

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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
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If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
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I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.
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There are things which some people never attempt during their whole lives, but one of these is not poetry. Poetry attacks all human beings sooner or later, and, like the measles, is mild or violent according to the age of the sufferer.
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There isn't anything you can't stand if you are only born and bred to it.
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You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can't get them across, your ideas won't get you anywhere. Lee Iacocca Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
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Surely the test of a novel's characters is that you feel a strong interest in them and their affairs the good to be successful, the bad to suffer failure. Well, in John Ward, you feel no divided interest, no discriminating interest you want them all to land in hell together, and right away.
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Whiskey is for drinking water is for fighting over.
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There is only one good sex. The female one.
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Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license.
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I think that the reason why we Americans seem to be so addicted to trying to get rich suddenly is merely because the opportunity to make promising efforts in that direction has offered itself to us with a frequency out of all proportion to the European experience.
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I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
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Difference between savage and civilized man: one is painted, the other gilded.
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Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute.
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Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
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Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.
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