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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Girls
Advice
Marriage
Drink
Excess
Second
Marry
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Third
Firsts
Smoke
First
Thirds
More quotes by Mark Twain
Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection.
Mark Twain
The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.
Mark Twain
After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me.
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If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?
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...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.
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I was born modest not all over, but in spots.
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Some things you can't find out but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.
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Concentration of power in a political machine is bad and an Established Church is only a political machine it was invented for that it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.
Mark Twain
Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
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There ain't nothing more to write about and I'm rotten glad of it, because if I'd know'd what trouble it was to make a book, I wouldn't a tackled it.
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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.
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The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.
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Some civilized women would lose half their charm without dress and some would lose all of it.
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Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists
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It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
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I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.
Mark Twain
God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.
Mark Twain
To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.
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Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Mark Twain
