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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Decide
Forever
Literature
Two
Things
Betwixt
Huckleberry
Trembling

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The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything.
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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE
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It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible.
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There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
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But old fools is the biggest fools there is.
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The best of us would rather be popular than right.
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It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.
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I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.
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It is impossible that a genius - at least a literary genius - can ever be discovered by his intimates they are so close to him that he is out of focus to them and they can't get at his proportions they can't perceive that there is any considerable difference between his bulk and their own.
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For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instinct is worth forty of it for real unerringness.
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Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.
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A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
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Kings cannot ennoble thee, thou good, great soul, for One who is higher than kings hath done that for thee but a king can confirm thy nobility to men.
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Half of the results of a good intentions are evil half the results of an evil intention are good.
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The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal
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Drop this mean and sordid and selfish devotion to the saving of your shabby little souls, and hunt up something to do that's got some dignity to it! Risk your souls! Risk them in good causes then if you lose them, why should you care? Reform!
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