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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Home
Trunk
Men
Trunks
Time
Pack
Packs
Dog
Humor
Wife
Turns
Mamma

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Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather.
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Truth is stranger than fiction-to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it.
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Comedy keeps the heart sweet but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
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I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house.
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Homely truth is unpalatable.
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Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for.
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There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
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There is only one expert who is qualified to examine the souls and the life of a people and make a valuable report - the native novelist. ... And when a thousand able novels have been written, there you have the soul of the people and not anywhere else can these be had.
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The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
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It's an epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
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It is a shameful thing to insult a child.
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It's not the parts of the Bible I don't know that worries me...it's the parts that I do.
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Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go.
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Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in.
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The ancients stole all our ideas from us.
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The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind of eye couldn't detect.
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