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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Wife
Turns
Mamma
Home
Trunk
Men
Trunks
Time
Pack
Packs
Dog
Humor

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Braveness is resistance to concern, mastery of panic - not absense of anxiety.
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Inherited ideas are a curious thing, and interesting to observe and examine.
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The cigar-box which the European calls a 'lift' needs but to be compared with our elevators to be appreciated. The lift stops to reflect between floors. That is all right in a hearse, but not in elevators. The American elevator acts like a man's patent purge-it works.
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When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.
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Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity but bet on the other one -- this is business.
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Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go.
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As a boy, I once saw a cart of melons that sorely tempted me. I sneaked up to the cart and stole a melon. I went into the alley to devour it, but no sooner had I set my teeth into it, than I paused, a strange feeling coming over me. I came to a quick conclusion. Firmly, I walked up to that cart, replaced the melon - and took a ripe one.
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A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.
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Cherimoya, the most delicious fruit known to men.
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I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.
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It is higher and nobler to be kind.
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By trampling upon the helpless abroad with unchecked surveillance, Americans have learned, by a natural process, to endure with apathy the like at home.
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An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
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We never knew an ignorant person yet but was prejudiced.
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Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on.
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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
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The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
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The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell, together, as quickly as possible.
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God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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