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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Dog
Humor
Wife
Turns
Mamma
Home
Trunk
Men
Trunks
Time
Pack
Packs

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Nothing is made in vain, but the fly came near it.
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Between us, we cover all knowledge he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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All say, ‘how hard it is that we have to die’ -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of those who have had to live.
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We are strange beings, we seem to go free, but we go in chains - chains of training, custom, convention, association, environment - in a word, Circumstance, and against these bonds the strongest of us struggle in vain.
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The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.
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When a man stands on the verge of seventy-two you know perfectly well that he never reached that place without knowing what this life is - heartbreaking bereavement.
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I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task.
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As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
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How superbly brave is the Englishman in the presence of the awfulest forms of danger and death and how abject in the presence of any and all forms of hereditary rank.
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Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
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My land, the power of training! Of influence! Of education! It can bring a body up to believe anything.
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He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
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We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
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The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.
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In forgiving, people are not being asked to forget. On the contrary, it is important to remember, so that we should not let such atrocities happen again. Forgiveness does not mean condoning what has been done. It means taking what happened seriously...drawing out the sting in the memory that threatens our entire existence.
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Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.
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The master minds of all nations, in all ages, have sprung in affluent multitude from the mass of the nations, and from the mass of the nation only-not from its privileged classes.
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I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.
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