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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Wife
Turns
Mamma
Home
Trunk
Men
Trunks
Time
Pack
Packs
Dog
Humor

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One thing at a time, is my motto - and just play that thing for all it is worth, even if it's only tto pair and a jack.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it.
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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?
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I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.
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The human race consists of the damned and the ought-to-be damned.
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Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
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In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
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To place man properly at the present time, he stands somewhere between the angels and the French.
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Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. You cannot eliminate habits that no longer serve you. You can only replace them with new habits that support your goals. Moment by moment, you need to live with awareness and structure the habits that you include or exclude in your days.
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Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so.
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Where every man in a state has a vote, brutal laws are impossible.
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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. When in doubt, tell the truth. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.
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The dog is a gentleman I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
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All war must be just the killing of strangers against whom you feel no personal animosity strangers whom, in other circumstances, you would help if you found them in trouble, and who would help you if you needed it.
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When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.
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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
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