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Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity. That is where the true evil lies.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Law
Lying
Evil
True
Really
Insanity
Laws
Lies
Crime

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Circumstances make man, not man circumstances.
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
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To be great, truly great, you have to be the kind of person who makes the others around you great.
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The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was.
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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.
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If horses knew their strength we should not ride anymore.
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Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time.
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I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
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Do one thing every day you don't want to do.
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The equator was wisely put where it is, because if it had been run through Europe all the kings would have tried to grab it.
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Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds.
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If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.
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Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
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The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.
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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
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What is there that confers the noblest delight? What is that which swells a man's breast with pride above that which any other experience can bring to him? Discovery!
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