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Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Optimism
Cannot
Optimists
Optimist

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Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood.
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If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
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I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way.
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Sum all the gifts that man is endowed with, and we give our greatest share of admiration to his energy. And today, if I were a heathen, I would rear a statue to Energy and fall down and worship it!
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Like most people, I often feel mean, and act accordingly.
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Shut the door not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the coziness.
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
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When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
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Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.
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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
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The Bible is a wonderful book you can prove anything you want with it.
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English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.
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I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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I can live for two months on a good compliment.
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Those people.... early stricken of God, intellectually - the departmental interpreters of the laws in Washington... can always be depended on to take any reasonably good law and interpret the common sense all out of it.
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The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right.
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The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the tellingthe comic and the witty story upon the matter.
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
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