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Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Helping
Publishers
Nothing
Fabulous
Like
Eggs
Entrepreneur
Humorous
Humorists
Helps
Lecturer
Food
Bacon
Funny
Scenery

More quotes by Mark Twain

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We are all alike, on the inside.
Mark Twain
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The proverb says that Providence protects children and idiots. This is really true. I know because I have tested it.
Mark Twain
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I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody that was going to die.
Mark Twain
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There is a great difference between feeding parties to wild beasts and stirring up their finer feelings in an inquisition. One is the system of degraded barbarians, the other of enlightened civilized people.
Mark Twain
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Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in.
Mark Twain
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We are discreet sheep we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.
Mark Twain
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It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not.
Mark Twain
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True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.
Mark Twain
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
Mark Twain
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Man is a marvelous curiosity...he thinks he is the Creator's pet...he even believes the Creator loves him has passion for him sits up nights to admire him yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks he listens. Isn't it a quaint idea.
Mark Twain
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In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere they date from it.
Mark Twain
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I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the lower animals (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.
Mark Twain
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Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
Mark Twain
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The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it
Mark Twain
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Data is like garbage. You'd better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.
Mark Twain
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I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.
Mark Twain
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
Mark Twain
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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Mark Twain
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She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot
Mark Twain