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Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Helping
Publishers
Nothing
Fabulous
Like
Eggs
Entrepreneur
Humorous
Humorists
Helps
Lecturer
Food
Bacon
Funny
Scenery

More quotes by Mark Twain

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First catch your Boer, then kick him.
Mark Twain
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It's an epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
Mark Twain
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I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.
Mark Twain
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The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
Mark Twain
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The insincerity of man-all men are liars, partial or hiders of facts, half tellers of truths, shirks, moral sneaks. When a merely honest man appears he is a comet-his fame is eternal-needs no genius, no talent-mere honesty
Mark Twain
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It may be called the Master Passion, the hunger for self-approval.
Mark Twain
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I never write metropolis for seven cents when I can write city and get paid the same.
Mark Twain
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Don't just sit there and worry. Be proactive. Do something - anything - about what's worrying you so you can gain information, focus and control over the situation. I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened.
Mark Twain
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
Mark Twain
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We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.
Mark Twain
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I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.
Mark Twain
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That's just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don't want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain't no disgrace.
Mark Twain
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Love is an irreresisistible desire to be irresistibily desired.
Mark Twain
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I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache and what is more, I never intend to have it.
Mark Twain
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Balloon: Thing to take meteroric observations and commit suicide with.
Mark Twain
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One can enjoy a rainbow without necessarily forgetting the forces that made it.
Mark Twain
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The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases.
Mark Twain
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It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.
Mark Twain
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You may call a jay a bird. Well, so he is, in a measure--because he's got feathers on him, and don't belong to no church, perhapsbut otherwise he is just as much a human as you be. And I'll tell you for why. A jay's gifts and instincts, and feelings, and interests, cover the whole ground. A jay hasn't got any more principle than a Congressman.
Mark Twain