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Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Ink
Argue
Arguing
Never
People
Gallon
Bladder
Gallons
Barrels

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I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with the blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.
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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.
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Do one thing every day you don't want to do.
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Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
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In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.
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Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.
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When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.
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Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for.
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Who is this Renaissance? Where did he come from? Who gave him permission to cram the Republic with his execrable daubs?
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Don't just sit there and worry. Be proactive. Do something - anything - about what's worrying you so you can gain information, focus and control over the situation. I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened.
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Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.
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These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.
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Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
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Difference between savage and civilized man: one is painted, the other gilded.
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I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.
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The convention missionaries call modesty has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.
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Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.
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We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.
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