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I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Never
Congress
Think
Losing
Thinking
Politics
Political
Judas
Without
Premature
Nothing
Congressman
Mean
Temper
Mind
Lows

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It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.
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To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.
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I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
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God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention.
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Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty.
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A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
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Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.
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Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures?
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It has been said that a Scotchman has not seen the world until he has seen Edinburgh and I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
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Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.
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[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.
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In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere they date from it.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there.
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When angry, count to four when very angry, swear.
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But old fools is the biggest fools there is.
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Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one.
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