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He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three I attended their funerals.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Three
Doctor
Two
Humorous
Years
Medicine
Think
Doctors
Thinking
Patient
Funerals
Humor
Attended
Year
Patients
Funny
Funeral

More quotes by Mark Twain

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Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute.
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Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.
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We can't always have the beautiful aspect of things. Let us make the most of our sights that are beautiful and let the others go
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Marriage -- yes, it is the supreme felicity of life. I concede it. And it is also the supreme tragedy of life. The deeper the love the surer the tragedy. And the more disconsolating when it comes.
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One must travel, to learn.
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Each season brings a world of enjoyment and interest in the watching of its unfolding, its gradual harmonious development, its culminating graces-and just as one begins to tire of it, it passes away and a radical change comes, with new witcheries and new glories in its train.
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I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.
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That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
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It is a good thing to write for the amusement of the public, but it is a far higher and nobler thing to write for their instruction, their profit, their actual and tangible benefit.
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History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise.
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But death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness death was man’s best friend when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free.
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Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.
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The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.
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If you need help identifying actionable analytics check out this post.
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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
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... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.
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Balloon: Thing to take meteroric observations and commit suicide with.
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Tough times teach trust.
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