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He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three I attended their funerals.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Three
Doctor
Two
Humorous
Years
Medicine
Think
Doctors
Thinking
Patient
Funerals
Humor
Attended
Year
Patients
Funny
Funeral
More quotes by Mark Twain
Talking of patriotism, what humbug it is it is a word which always commemorates a robbery.
Mark Twain
You can't make a life over. Society wouldn't let you if you would.
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There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.
Mark Twain
Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute.
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The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Mark Twain
when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
Mark Twain
Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.
Mark Twain
Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
Mark Twain
A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
Mark Twain
Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.
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It's not as bad as it sounds.
Mark Twain
When an honest writer discovers an imposition it is his simple duty to strip it bare and hurl it down from its place of honor, no matter who suffers by it any other course would render him unworthy of the public confidence.
Mark Twain
I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
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Surely the test of a novel's characters is that you feel a strong interest in them and their affairs the good to be successful, the bad to suffer failure. Well, in John Ward, you feel no divided interest, no discriminating interest you want them all to land in hell together, and right away.
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the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider’s measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it.
Mark Twain
I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.
Mark Twain
My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
Mark Twain
To place man properly at the present time, he stands somewhere between the angels and the French.
Mark Twain
It was on the 10th day of May - 1884 - that I confessed to age by mounting spectacles for the first time, and in the same hour I renewed my youth, to outward appearance, by mounting a bicycle for the first time. The spectacles stayed on.
Mark Twain
The Book of Mormon is chloroform in print
Mark Twain
