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I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Ignoble
Revenue
Bear
Bears
Christian
Found
Political
Thought

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I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing.
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I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.
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Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.
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Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
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As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day.
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Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
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Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
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A man who carries a cat by the tail is getting experience that will always be helpful. He isn't likely to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him!
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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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Shall we go on conferring our Civilization upon the peoples that sit in darkness, or shall we give those poor things a rest?
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Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth
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We have infinite trouble in solving man-made mysteries it is only when we set out to discover the secret of God that our difficulties disappear.
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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
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Golden rule: Made of hard metal so it could stand severe wear, it not being known at that time that butter would answer.
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Tough times teach trust.
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
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You can't throw too much style into a miracle.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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And how moving is the eloquence of the untaught when it is the heart that is speaking!
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