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I begin to see that a man's got to be in his own heaven to be happy.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Happy
Men
Begin
Heaven
Happiness

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History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise.
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Humor is man's greatest blessing.
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By law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again -- and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's and each obeying its own law.
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If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.
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There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.
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There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice.
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The physician who knows only medicine, knows not even medicine.
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Whiskey is for drinking water is for fighting over.
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My axiom is, to succeed in business: avoid my example.
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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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Tom said to himself that it was not such a hollow world, after all. He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it -- namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.
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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
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The North thinks it knows how to make corn bread, but this is a gross superstition. Perhaps no bread in the world is quite as good as Southern corn bread, and perhaps no bread in the world is quite as bad as the Northern imitation of it.
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Each nation knowing it has the only true religion and the only sane system of government, each despising all the others, each an ass and not suspecting it.
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Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
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English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.
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There is only one good sex. The female one.
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If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'
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