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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Light
Care
Delights
Men
Intercourse
World
Cares
Sexual
Delight
Heaven
Left

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I should be sorry to think it was the publishers themselves they got up this entire little flutter to enable them to unload a book that was taking too much room in their cellars, but you can never tell what a publisher will do. I have been one myself.
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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
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We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.
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A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.
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Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.
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I have damaged my intellect trying to imagine why a man should want to invent a repeating clock, and how another man could be found to lust after it and buy it. The man who can guess these riddles is far on the way to guess why the human race was invented - which is another riddle which tires me.
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Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
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I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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But death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness death was man’s best friend when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free.
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.
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If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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Balloon: Thing to take meteroric observations and commit suicide with.
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Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card.
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I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute.
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I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the lower animals (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.
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The insincerity of man-all men are liars, partial or hiders of facts, half tellers of truths, shirks, moral sneaks. When a merely honest man appears he is a comet-his fame is eternal-needs no genius, no talent-mere honesty
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