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The reason most people don't go to church is because they've already been.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Already
Church
Christian
Reason
People
More quotes by Mark Twain
I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
Mark Twain
If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.
Mark Twain
There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.
Mark Twain
God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. (In God we Trust) is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar.
Mark Twain
Do right and you will be conspicuous.
Mark Twain
Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
Mark Twain
Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brains. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat. Perhaps a couple of whales would be enough.
Mark Twain
The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.
Mark Twain
It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible.
Mark Twain
It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.
Mark Twain
We are all alike, on the inside.
Mark Twain
Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.
Mark Twain
A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
Mark Twain
A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditch digging.
Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.
Mark Twain
In my age, as in my youth, night brings me many a deep remorse. I realize that from the cradle up I have been like the rest of the race - never quite sane in the night.
Mark Twain
I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
Mark Twain
A person who has a cat by the tail knows a whole lot more about cats than someone who has just read about them.
Mark Twain
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Mark Twain
If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.
Mark Twain
