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I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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Criticized
Talking
Superstitious
Often
Dropped
Thing
Humiliation
People
Absent
Grown
Discovered
Discovery
Relatives

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I do not want Michael Angelo for breakfast-but for luncheon-for dinner- for tea-for supper-for between meals.
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It is a good thing to write for the amusement of the public, but it is a far higher and nobler thing to write for their instruction, their profit, their actual and tangible benefit.
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Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
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Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.
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'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
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My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.
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Make your vacation your vocation.
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In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it.
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Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths
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Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river.
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I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were—for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized.
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It is easier to stay out than get out.
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I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.
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I will remark in the way of general information, that in California, that land of felicitous nomenclature, the literary name of this sort of stuff is hogwash
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Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
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I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie I can, but I won't.
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Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.
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But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be absolutely unbearable the people can rise up and throw it off. That's the finest asset we've got - the ballot box.
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Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood.
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