Quote

I was warned to stop smoking, which I did, for two or three days, but it was too lonesome, and I have resumed - in a modified way - 4 smokes a day instead of 40. This will have a good effect. On the bank balance.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Instead
Lonesome
Days
Warned
Stop
Bank
Three
Smoking
Two
Smoke
Way
Effect
Resumed
Good
Balance
Smokes
Effects
Modified

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The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
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The happy phrasing of a compliment is one of the rarest of human gifts, and the happy delivery of it another.
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Is a person's public and private opinion the same? It is thought there have been instances.
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Therein lies the defect of revenge: it's all in the anticipation the thing itself is a pain, not a pleasure at least the pain is the biggest end of it.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there.
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The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.
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When you feel like tellin a feller to go to the devil - tell him to go to Chicago - it'll anser every purpose, and is perhaps, a leetle more expensive.
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It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.
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It is not in the least likely that any life has ever been lived which was not a failure in the secret judgment of the person who lived it.
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I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.
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Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
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