Quote

I was warned to stop smoking, which I did, for two or three days, but it was too lonesome, and I have resumed - in a modified way - 4 smokes a day instead of 40. This will have a good effect. On the bank balance.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Instead
Lonesome
Days
Warned
Stop
Bank
Three
Smoking
Two
Smoke
Way
Effect
Resumed
Good
Balance
Smokes
Effects
Modified

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I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
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Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.
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The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
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Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.
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The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.
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It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script.
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A railroad is like a lie you have to keep building it to make it stand.
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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
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A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.
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It is a shameful thing to insult a child.
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He wa'n't no common dog, he wa'n't no mongrel he was a composite. A composite dog is a dog that is made up of all the valuable qualities that's in the dog breed-kind of a syndicate and a mongrel is made up of all riffraff that's left over.
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A good and wholesome thing is a little harmless fun in this world it tones a body up and keeps him human and prevents him from souring.
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If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.
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In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.
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A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
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Too much is just enough.
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Foreigners cannot enjoy our food, I suppose, any more than we can enjoy theirs. It is not strange for tastes are made, not born. I might glorify my bill of fare until I was tired but after all, the Scotchman would shake his head and say, 'Where's your haggis?' and the Fijan would sigh and say, 'Where's your missionary?'
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To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, Our Country, right or wrong, and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?
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Experience of life (not of books) is the only capital usable in such a book as you have attempted one can make no judicious use of this capital while it is new.
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