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It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Care
Agreed
Country
Arrangements
Men
Perfectly
Incumbent
Conscience
Incumbents
Anyone
Satisfies
Whether
Satisfactory
Religion
Arrange
Else
Arrangement

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Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.
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He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditchdigging. It is the insanest of all recreations. The inventor of it overlooked no detail that could furnish weariness, distress, harassment, and acute and long-sustained misery of mind and body.
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If I had more time, I would have written less.
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I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: Now here are these two unaccountable freaks they came in together, they must go out together.
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The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid.
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Thanksgiving day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys.
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Concentration of power in a political machine is bad and an Established Church is only a political machine it was invented for that it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.
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Tom said to himself that it was not such a hollow world, after all. He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it -- namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.
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By trampling upon the helpless abroad with unchecked surveillance, Americans have learned, by a natural process, to endure with apathy the like at home.
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The rain ...falls upon the just and the unjust alike a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors, I would drown him.
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The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
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France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
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The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card.
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In literature imitations do not imitate.
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Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.
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I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean.
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The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
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Learning softeneth the heart and breedeth gentleness and charity.
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The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
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