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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Goes
Become
Consummate
Never
Supposition
Abroad
Ass
Gentle
Travel
Reader

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She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot
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Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds.
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I have at last, after several months' experience, made up my mind that [New York] is a splendid desert--a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race.
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The ability to find solutions to life's challenges is what makes us grow as a person.
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It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details, and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss.
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His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.
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Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.
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I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.
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Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.
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There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to but a hog is different.
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I have thought many times since that if poets when they get discouraged would blow their brains out, they could write very much better when they got well.
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Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done.
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There is only one good sex. The female one.
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The machine has several virtues... One may lean back in his chair and work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around.
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Learning softeneth the heart and breedeth gentleness and charity.
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It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.
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There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.
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