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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Abroad
Ass
Gentle
Travel
Reader
Goes
Become
Consummate
Never
Supposition

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Patriotism is merely a religion-love of country, worship of country, devotion to the country's flag and honor and welfare.
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Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?
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Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?
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Never do wrong when people are looking.
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If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
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There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to but a hog is different.
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Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
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Blasphemy? No, it is not blashphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy if he is as little as that, He is beneath it.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.
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Human Beings are the only animals that blush, or need to.
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Concentration of power in a political machine is bad and an Established Church is only a political machine it was invented for that it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.
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The Indian may seem poor to we rich Westerners but in matters of the spirit it is we who are the paupers and they who are millionaires.
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A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
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I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
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A habit cannot be tossed out the window it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.
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A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way.
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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
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Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.
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Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.
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In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination
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