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History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Good
Tried
Couldn
Wise
Head
Teach
Stick
History
Politicians
Government
Sticks
Hard
Politician

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I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.
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He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, As unhappy as God.
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
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In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere they date from it.
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Golden rule: Made of hard metal so it could stand severe wear, it not being known at that time that butter would answer.
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Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to sleep simply by getting out his blocks and mortar and building an addition to a church.
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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
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My axiom is, to succeed in business: avoid my example.
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I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.
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Broad, wholesome, charitable views .. can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the earth.
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I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.
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If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!
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There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her.
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The vast majority of the race whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind at heart and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves.
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It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial.
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The report of my death was an exaggeration.
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