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A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies which they dare not admit in public

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Number
Policy
Pursuance
Numbers
Conspiracy
Public
Policies
Secret
Agreement
Nothing
Admit
Men
Investing
Dare

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When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them--then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are far apart.
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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
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Inherited ideas are a curious thing, and interesting to observe and examine.
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A man who carries a cat by the tail is getting experience that will always be helpful. He isn't likely to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him!
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I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
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The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.
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Damn these human beings if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.
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The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
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I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody that was going to die.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
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I admire him, I frankly confess it and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.
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All men are ignorant, just on different subjects.
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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
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For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instinct is worth forty of it for real unerringness.
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To write without pay until somebody offers pay. If nobody offers pay within three years, the candidate may look upon this circumstance with the most implicit confidence as the sign that sawing wood is what he was intended for.
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Well, no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can always make you satisfied, no matter how you are fixed.
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It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.
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Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so it is the sickening grammar that they use.
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Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.
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